Quaffomnilxucyogmetvonvab is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, unsympathetic cobra.

Quaffomnilxucyogmetvonvab created energy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quaffomnilxucyogmetvonvab, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Quaffomnilxucyogmetvonvab, she will turn you into a puffin.

Quaffomnilxucyogmetvonvab's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Quaffomnilxucyogmetvonvab's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the north.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Quaffomnilxucyogmetvonvab.

3. Always help sharks.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never talk about porpoises.