Zodnurjad Pinsaklib is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, pitiless turtle.

Zodnurjad Pinsaklib created the Cigar Galaxy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zodnurjad Pinsaklib, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Zodnurjad Pinsaklib, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Zodnurjad Pinsaklib's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Zodnurjad Pinsaklib's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed figs to squirrels while wearing purple tights.

2. Never talk about galaxies.

3. Do not speak about spinach.

4. Never go into white rooms.

5. Never eat bark.