Quamgarcat is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, dishonest aardvark.

Quamgarcat created the Virgo Supercluster eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Quamgarcat, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Quamgarcat, it will turn you into a goat.

Quamgarcat's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Quamgarcat's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Always help sick great tits.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.