Rakrakman is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, kind finch.

Rakrakman created tapeworms two billion years ago.

If you believe in Rakrakman, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Rakrakman, he will turn you into a plant.

Rakrakman's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Rakrakman's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never think about black holes.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. You must never eat coconuts.