Ponmumjig is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, stupid butterfly.

Ponmumjig created matter nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Ponmumjig, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Ponmumjig, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Ponmumjig's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Ponmumjig's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Do not speak about bread.

4. Always wear gray.

5. Ponmumjig must be the most important thing in your life.