Gupmipzem is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, competent squirrel.

Gupmipzem created everything that exists four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gupmipzem, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Gupmipzem, it will cry a lot.

Gupmipzem's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Gupmipzem's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Gupmipzem.

2. Do not wear turquoise clothing.

3. Retreat if eight sheep approach from the east.

4. Run away from black monkeys, for they are unholy.

5. Never look at black holes.