Gabjarnpag is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, temperamental newt.

Gabjarnpag created the Sol system four years ago.

If you believe in Gabjarnpag, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Gabjarnpag, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Gabjarnpag's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Gabjarnpag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never write about gravity.

3. Never feed onions to ducks while wearing turquoise jumpers.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never talk about dark energy.