Dumlagquart is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, unjust swallow.

Dumlagquart created the cosmos two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dumlagquart, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Dumlagquart, it will turn you into a sheep.

Dumlagquart's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Dumlagquart's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never talk about dolphins.

3. Never write about photosynthesis.

4. Dumlagquart loves great tits, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not take Dumlagquart's name in vain.