Ominkaprapvigfun is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, competent raccoon.

Ominkaprapvigfun created a top quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ominkaprapvigfun, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Ominkaprapvigfun, she will come to you in dreams.

Ominkaprapvigfun's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Ominkaprapvigfun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Never talk about enzymes.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Worship no other gods but Ominkaprapvigfun.

5. Never write about dwarf planets.