Hasxucsis is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, compassionate monkey.

Hasxucsis created the planet Saturn two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hasxucsis, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Hasxucsis, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Hasxucsis' most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Hasxucsis' Holy Commandments

1. Hasxucsis loves frogs, so they must be respected.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Hasxucsis.

3. Never hurt manatees.

4. Never look at asteroids.

5. Always obey Hasxucsis' priests.