Teenbegnutt is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, resourceful mink.

Teenbegnutt created matter two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Teenbegnutt, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Teenbegnutt, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Teenbegnutt's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Teenbegnutt's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Always help whales in need.