Fetgammitsid is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, selfish spider.

Fetgammitsid created oxygen two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fetgammitsid, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Fetgammitsid, she will cry a lot.

Fetgammitsid's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Fetgammitsid's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine horses approach from the south.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never write about dark energy.

5. Geese are not to be trusted.