Narlvadwadjaploopkabcim is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, confident lizard.

Narlvadwadjaploopkabcim created snails five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Narlvadwadjaploopkabcim, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Narlvadwadjaploopkabcim, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Narlvadwadjaploopkabcim's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Narlvadwadjaploopkabcim's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed onions to foxes while wearing scarves.

2. Never eat pineapples.

3. Narlvadwadjaploopkabcim loves badgers, so they must be respected.

4. Never write about photosynthesis.

5. Worship no other gods but Narlvadwadjaploopkabcim.