Gabzenquart is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, overgenerous shrew.

Gabzenquart created carbon seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gabzenquart, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Gabzenquart, it will laugh at you.

Gabzenquart's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Gabzenquart's Holy Commandments

1. Never leap in the presence of capybaras.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sharks.

3. Learn six new languages a year.

4. Never feed limes to dogs while wearing mauve rings.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.