Artomtgov is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, happy mongoose.

Artomtgov created everything that exists five billion years ago.

If you believe in Artomtgov, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Artomtgov, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Artomtgov's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Artomtgov's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from black badgers for they are unholy.

2. Run away from white goats, for they are unholy.

3. Never talk about gravity.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never eat green fruit.