Titbetgar is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, unjust parrot.

Titbetgar created everything that exists four million years ago.

If you believe in Titbetgar, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Titbetgar, he will turn you into a plant.

Titbetgar's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Titbetgar's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place in blue.

2. Do not speak about strawberries.

3. Never talk about quantum gravity near sharks while wearing brown rings and balancing four silver spheres on your chest.

4. Put Titbetgar first in all things.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.