Bamquamkon Vin is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, sapient lobster.

Bamquamkon Vin created the planet Mars four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bamquamkon Vin, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Bamquamkon Vin, he will curse you with boils.

Bamquamkon Vin's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Bamquamkon Vin's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no great tits in a building before entering it.

2. Never write about dwarf planets.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Erect a giant yellow sculpture of Bamquamkon Vin in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.