Bamsawved is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, overgenerous cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Bamsawved created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bamsawved, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Bamsawved, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Bamsawved's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Bamsawved's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never talk about special relativity near tapirs while wearing pink kilts and balancing five zinc spheres on your neck.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Always help snails.

5. You must never eat garlic.