Figkopfen is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, unsympathetic beaver.

Figkopfen created snails two billion years ago.

If you believe in Figkopfen, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Figkopfen, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Figkopfen's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Figkopfen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chant in public.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Figkopfen.

3. Feed all hungry grasshopers.

4. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

5. Snakes are unholy and should not be approached.
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