Xembumnegtarp is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, omniscient bird.

Xembumnegtarp created the Sun two billion years ago.

If you believe in Xembumnegtarp, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Xembumnegtarp, he will refuse to believe in you.

Xembumnegtarp's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Xembumnegtarp's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if eight pigs approach from the south.

2. Always help mites.

3. Always treat great tits with great respect.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never feed lots of figs to snakes while wearing mauve scarves.