Flowarpcuss is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, bad-tempered horse.

Flowarpcuss created carbon five million years ago.

If you believe in Flowarpcuss, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Flowarpcuss, he will not invite you to parties.

Flowarpcuss' most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Flowarpcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Always help badgers.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never leap in holy places.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.