Yardubbem is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, able spider.

Yardubbem created Europe four billion years ago.

If you believe in Yardubbem, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Yardubbem, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Yardubbem's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Yardubbem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your chest.

2. Yardubbem must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Erect five tin sculptures of Yardubbem on top of important buildings.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never think about quantum mechanics near porpoises while wearing mauve boots and balancing three iron spheres on your neck.