Zosstimfen is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, wise lobster.

Zosstimfen created an up quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zosstimfen, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Zosstimfen, he will turn you into a mole.

Zosstimfen's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Zosstimfen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never eat garlic.

3. Always make sure there are no badgers in a building before entering it.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Erect a large tin sculpture of Zosstimfen on top of all buildings.