Veddumgad is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, unsympathetic beaver.

Veddumgad created the planet Mars two billion years ago.

If you believe in Veddumgad, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Veddumgad, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Veddumgad's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Veddumgad's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never mention goats.

4. Always treat moths with great respect.

5. Do not stand on grass.