Arnnurtfed is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, generous walrus.

Arnnurtfed created carbon five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Arnnurtfed, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Arnnurtfed, she will turn you into a duck.

Arnnurtfed's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Arnnurtfed's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about asteroids.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Never wear kilts.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Erect a giant lead sculpture of Arnnurtfed in the centre of the settlement.