Zanrutsag is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, effective beaver.

Zanrutsag created viruses nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Zanrutsag, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Zanrutsag, he will strike you with lightening.

Zanrutsag's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Zanrutsag's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Erect eight aluminium sculptures of Zanrutsag on top of important buildings.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate monkeys.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never talk about amino acids.