Zakcebvolbam is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, egotistical turtle.

Zakcebvolbam created the Virgo Supercluster seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zakcebvolbam, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Zakcebvolbam, she will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Zakcebvolbam's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Zakcebvolbam's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed nuts to swans while wearing jumpers.

2. Do not speak about garlic.

3. Do not trade with those who eat melons.

4. Do not keep seven nematodes in a large pit.

5. Do not laugh in public.