Talpibhom is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, temperamental gorilla.

Talpibhom created water three million years ago.

If you believe in Talpibhom, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Talpibhom, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Talpibhom's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Talpibhom's Holy Commandments

1. Talpibhom must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never go into violet rooms.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Always make sure there are no nematodes in a room before entering it.

5. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.