Kadsanwik is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, unfair raven.

Kadsanwik created the planet Jupiter three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kadsanwik, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Kadsanwik, she will turn you into a plant.

Kadsanwik's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Kadsanwik's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about dark matter.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never think about quantum mechanics near cats while wearing red corsets and balancing three platinum spheres on your chest.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not commit murder.