Loopjenzenbenvinbumhatgat Bomlikrip is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, narcissistic owl.

Loopjenzenbenvinbumhatgat Bomlikrip created time and space seven million years ago.

If you believe in Loopjenzenbenvinbumhatgat Bomlikrip, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Loopjenzenbenvinbumhatgat Bomlikrip, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Loopjenzenbenvinbumhatgat Bomlikrip's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Loopjenzenbenvinbumhatgat Bomlikrip's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never feed aubergines to dolphins while wearing kilts.