Gessbontaf is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, egotistical slug.

Gessbontaf created the Andromeda Galaxy two years ago.

If you believe in Gessbontaf, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gessbontaf, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Gessbontaf's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Gessbontaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Always look after injured goats.

5. Do not covet oxen.