Fetfarnkap is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, vain fly.

Fetfarnkap created the universe nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fetfarnkap, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Fetfarnkap, he will turn you into a snail.

Fetfarnkap's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Fetfarnkap's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from orange shrews for they are unholy.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Do not trade with those who eat spinach.