Fumgutcatflap is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, slow camel.

Fumgutcatflap created the Small Magellanic Cloud nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fumgutcatflap, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Fumgutcatflap, she will destroy your favourite star.

Fumgutcatflap's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Fumgutcatflap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Hide if five rats approach from the east.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near snakes while wearing fawn scarves and balancing nine tin spheres on your neck.

4. Never talk about nebulae.

5. Do not drink water in black rooms.