Bigdutton Fumfobwad is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, quiet salamander.

Bigdutton Fumfobwad created Mount Everest six billion years ago.

If you believe in Bigdutton Fumfobwad, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Bigdutton Fumfobwad, he will remove you from existence.

Bigdutton Fumfobwad's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Bigdutton Fumfobwad's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of bread to snails while wearing black scarves.

2. Erect a large tin sculpture of Bigdutton Fumfobwad on top of all buildings.

3. Never mention otters.

4. Never think about spacetime near gulls while wearing fawn shirts and balancing seven platinum spheres on your back.

5. Fast once a month.