Wigmilpark is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, egotistical gorilla.

Wigmilpark created Europe three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wigmilpark, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Wigmilpark, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Wigmilpark's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Wigmilpark's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never feed corn to doves while wearing kilts.

4. Always obey Wigmilpark's priests.

5. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.