Fumstaftag is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, amazing bear.

Fumstaftag created time and space three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fumstaftag, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Fumstaftag, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Fumstaftag's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Fumstaftag's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat carrots.

2. Do not kill squirrels.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never write about galaxies.

5. Run away if eight porpoises approach from the west.