Zodortnell is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, omniscient grasshopper.

Zodortnell created tapeworms five billion years ago.

If you believe in Zodortnell, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Zodortnell, she will turn you into a plant.

Zodortnell's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Zodortnell's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Do not eat aubergines.

4. Do not kill hamsters.

5. Run away if eight porpoises approach from the north.