Ortnillbarn is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, all-knowing cat.

Ortnillbarn created gold three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ortnillbarn, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Ortnillbarn, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Ortnillbarn's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Ortnillbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your neck brown.

2. Never go into purple rooms.

3. Feed all hungry dogs.

4. Never mention dolphins.

5. Respect your elders.