Lakgamtail is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, staggering meerkat.

Lakgamtail created the Sun eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lakgamtail, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Lakgamtail, he will turn you into a rat.

Lakgamtail's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Lakgamtail's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. You must love Lakgamtail.

3. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in white.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never go into fawn rooms.