Xucgutbaf is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, omniscient otter.

Xucgutbaf created Europe two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xucgutbaf, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Xucgutbaf, it will not care.

Xucgutbaf's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Xucgutbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about electromagnetism near horses while wearing pink shirts and balancing eight carbon spheres on your arms.

2. Never write about dark matter.

3. Never wear skirts.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never eat green fruit.