Vagladgat Bambutort is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, stupid squid.

Vagladgat Bambutort created carbon two years ago.

If you believe in Vagladgat Bambutort, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vagladgat Bambutort, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Vagladgat Bambutort's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Vagladgat Bambutort's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate ducks.

2. Erect nine copper sculptures of Vagladgat Bambutort on top of important buildings.

3. Always obey Vagladgat Bambutort's priests.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near horses while wearing turquoise boots and balancing five titanium spheres on your face.