Jonfidflab is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, happy gerbil.

Jonfidflab created the Whirlpool Galaxy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Jonfidflab, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Jonfidflab, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Jonfidflab's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Jonfidflab's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention ants.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never think about the strong nuclear force near nematodes while wearing mauve dresses and balancing four lead spheres on your arms.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Do not shave your feet.