Carnakbig is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, egotistical swallow.

Carnakbig created the Small Magellanic Cloud six million years ago.

If you believe in Carnakbig, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Carnakbig, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Carnakbig's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Carnakbig's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from pink hamsters, for they are unholy.

2. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Carnakbig in the centre of the settlement.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Never hurt dogs.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.