Fempagsis is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, stupid zebra.

Fempagsis created dark energy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fempagsis, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Fempagsis, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Fempagsis' most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Fempagsis' Holy Commandments

1. Put Fempagsis first in all things.

2. Hide if three doves approach from the east.

3. Always treat bats with great respect.

4. Never think about quantum gravity near ants while wearing red corsets and balancing five gold spheres on your chest.

5. Do not shave your hands.