Gemtagcat is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, intelligent lizard.

Gemtagcat created tapeworms nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gemtagcat, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Gemtagcat, he will turn you into a mouse.

Gemtagcat's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Gemtagcat's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear pink.

2. Never eat gooseberries.

3. Never talk about electromagnetism near otters while wearing green skirts.

4. Hide if three mice approach from the north.

5. Never eat bark.