Vabtafquaf is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, smart walrus.

Vabtafquaf created the Black Eye Galaxy nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vabtafquaf, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Vabtafquaf, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Vabtafquaf's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Vabtafquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear fawn clothing.

2. Never write about asteroids.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never eat parsnips.

5. You must love Vabtafquaf.