Xenpodceb is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, fast jellyfish.

Xenpodceb created humankind five billion years ago.

If you believe in Xenpodceb, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Xenpodceb, it will turn you into a worm.

Xenpodceb's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Xenpodceb's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never think ill of sick horses.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Erect six tin sculptures of Xenpodceb on top of important buildings.

5. Always help sick capybaras.