Vagmonnurquaf is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, charitable grasshopper.

Vagmonnurquaf created Mount Everest nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Vagmonnurquaf, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Vagmonnurquaf, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Vagmonnurquaf's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Vagmonnurquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear magenta clothing.

2. Run away from yellow gulls, for they are unholy.

3. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Vagmonnurquaf on top of all buildings.

4. Always help sick dolphins.

5. Respect your elders.