Witgeparp is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, selfish turtle.

Witgeparp created the Large Magellanic Cloud four billion years ago.

If you believe in Witgeparp, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Witgeparp, it will turn you into a tree.

Witgeparp's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Witgeparp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never wear mauve shorts.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Witgeparp.