Dapfumjan Pittimtomquam Timgatpag is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, compassionate bear.

Dapfumjan Pittimtomquam Timgatpag created the Sol system six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dapfumjan Pittimtomquam Timgatpag, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Dapfumjan Pittimtomquam Timgatpag, she will be very sad.

Dapfumjan Pittimtomquam Timgatpag's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Dapfumjan Pittimtomquam Timgatpag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Always help dolphins.